THE ABUSE

THE ABUSE


Below are further descriptions of the abuse I suffered, including the ritual abuse.  At the end of the abuse section are links to sites regarding ritual abuse torture.  I have also included quotes from Dr. Judith Hermann’s book on Complex PTSD called “Trauma and Recovery: The aftermath of violence – from domestic abuse to political terror.”  I have personally found that book to be a good resource for understanding domestic violence and how a person can be a captive by the abuser just as someone is a captive in a prisoner of war situation and the Holocaust.  If you are a victim of domestic violence, it may be easier for you to understand how someone can become captive.  If you are not a victim of abuse and are blessed with a functional family, school, and friend background, then the resources at the end of this section could make my situation clearer.  Many people do have abuse in their background and/or know of others who are suffering from PTSD and other ailments due to this victimization.  In any case, I do believe that knowledge is power; and that these reading materials can bring understanding to a very complex subject.

If you are reading this and have been abused in the past, it might even be more disturbing to you personally.  Please take that into account as you read the following.

In order for me to share the depth and intensity of the abuse Tom perpetrated on me, I feel obliged to give a detailed sketch of the abuse which occurred in my family of origin.  As stated earlier, there was serious doubt that Robert Cannon was my biological father.  There was intergenerational abuse passed down from my mother’s mother (my grandmother who lived with us), to my mother and to my siblings and me.  My grandmother and I shared a bedroom which is where she began abusing me sexually.  She also abused me physically in the bathroom when I took a bath – using very hot water, rough scrubbing of private areas, and more.  My mother raised us without her husband in the picture.  How the world viewed our family was utmost important.  Appearance was everything.  We appeared to be a struggling, Catholic family abiding in a “broken home”.  Divorce and/or separation was not a common occurrence in those years.  My mother began abusing me also which became worse once my grandmother had a stroke and moved to Texas to be with my aunt.  My mother then shared my bedroom.  The abuse escalated.  My mother was struggling to earn enough money to raise us.  We lived in a two-flat apartment building and my mother’s aunt (my grandmother’s sister) lived upstairs.  My mother would send me upstairs at times to be used and abused sexually by men for money.  This is one of the memories my brother Jim recalled when I spoke with him on the phone in the summer of 2003.  That began the normalcy of being abused for me.  Suffice it to say, I was eventually abused by my brother when he became old enough, then sometimes by my female siblings.  I was shoved into a cedar chest and left there with the lid closed not knowing if my brother or mother would open it in time.  There were other times of confinement in closets.  This is enough information to let you know that from an early age, I was abused.  It was in my late teens that I threatened to go to the police and was punished by my entire family ….

Along came Tom — the man at the age of 20 years old — who said he loved me.  I wanted to believe him and love him too.  Unfortunately he became involved in the abuse. My brother, Jim, who “loved” me in a perverse manner competed with Tom for control over me.  My mother eventually sided with Tom.  I think she did this because she feared the situation was getting out of control and was afraid it would become public or deadly.


The abuse with Tom began the usual way it does in domestic violence situations – hits, shoves, pushes, rough sex against your will, apologies, many many flowers, kind words, Tom saying “I love you” over and over with me eventually knowing I had to respond with “I love you too”.  Tom’s love towards me turned into more and more control of who I saw, what I did, what I ate, etc…  To give you an idea of how much he controlled my body, I could not administer medication into my own vagina for the many yeast infections I contracted.  Tom had to insert it inside of me.  The abuse became less physical because I would obey him sooner.  Tom controlled me with what he could do as well as what he did.

I had TMJ problems and learned  imagery, self hypnosis, and biofeedback techniques to lessen the tension in my jaw.  Tom made tapes of meditation that I would listen to and/or he would rub my jaw and help me relax.  He became very adept at relaxing me …

The abuse moved to more sexual, emotional, and contained elements of mind control/brainwashing.  He became very ritualistic.  At the end of the abuse he would start incorporating words and even making an upside-down cross with a line through it on my forehead.  I did not want to move to Germany the second time.  We had a new house and had returned to the Catholic Church.  I was hoping to get counseling for our marriage.  But no — we moved.  I was more isolated in Germany than ever before.  Tom began abusing me with more vehemence and with more power.

Let me remind you that Tom is an extremely intelligent man.  He is also a man of many talents.  He has a background in war gaming and Dungeons & Dragons.  He had an interest in tarot cards.  He was an EMT and drove an ambulance at one time.  Tom was a medical insurance adjuster.  He was in the Intelligence section when he was in the Reserves.  Tom was a SP when he was in the Air Force for a short time before he received an article 15.  In 1985 he started working as a cost analyst for the Air Force (a civil service, GS job).  Tom knows how to work systems, how to find loopholes, how to intimidate people.  He can do this and portray himself as a very affable, normal man.  His parents met in Germany during or after WWII.  Both are from Poland and then they eventually moved to Chicago.  Tom conveyed stories to me of his father chasing the kids with a knife.  Tom’s dad was a prisoner during the war for a short time.  Tom had issues with his family, especially his parents.

During the abuse over the years, Tom did introduce men and/or women into the sexual situations.  He liked humiliating me.  The words he used ranged from slut, to whore, to bitch-shit, to HTB (human toilet bowl), to PL (priest lover).  The abuse was nightly by the time we lived in Germany the second time.  My head has been shoved in the toilet, my body has been tied to the railings with cloths that did not leave marks, etc..  I went from someone Tom made love to (initially) to someone he raped to someone who was only worthy to be fucked from behind to someone who was not even worthy to touch his penis by any part of my body.

Eventually he used Megan as a pawn in the abuse as well as abusing her.  Tom’s upside-down cross on my forehead with a line through it on a slant evolved into the name of god the father, god the daughter, and the power between them.   At the end it was a seven-step plan used to humiliate me and to try to get me to eventually kill myself.  I was being programmed to kill myself using any one of the many knives Tom owned in a specific manner using specific words to go with each slash.  I was forced to repeat the words to go with the seven cuts over and over and over again.

Before and during this time, Tom already knew how to control my body including when I climaxed.  He became quite adept at using the showerhead connected to a long cord (as in many European household bathrooms) on my private area.  He would use hot and/or cold water on my private area.  Eventually I would urinate, then when Tom allowed I would climax.  The most humiliating part was that Tom had trained my body to defecate when I climaxed.  I could not climax without defecating.  Tom would have me say the seven part cutting/killing words as he TORTURED me with the showerhead water pressure on my private area.  After I climaxed/defecated, Tom would make me use my feces to trace the one to seven marks on my body in a certain way.    This was not the first time he ever used feces and urine to humiliate me.  He had already numerous times used either his feces or mine … and also he urinated on me more than I can ever count.

Tom also used a tool to shock me .. he used it in my vagina and anus… usually my vagina.  I was told by one of the OSI agent  it could be a cattle prod.  Guess it would be similar to a taser?  It did not leave marks on the outside.  Nobody would ever surmise I was abused.

Now I guess you have a sense of why Tom was so sure I would NEVER TELL ANYONE of the abuse.  Tom said no one would believe me and they would think I was crazy if I did ever tell.  Also, now you might understand why I would block the abuse out of my mind in order to function.  Megan most likely learned to do the same — block it out.  She learned from watching her mother plus she was deathly afraid to disobey Tom (with good reason).   Somewhere around this time, Tom involved the Karate Tech teacher, Jorge Ordonio, and other adult students in the abuse.  There were times only one Karate Tech person was involved and times all of them were involved and when only Tom was the abuser.  At this time Tom involved Fr. Kevin Randall.  I’m not sure exactly how Kevin Randall became involved, but I do know that Tom was blackmailing him to continue in the abuse once Kevin Randall had became involved once.

Tom would videotape the abuse.  Megan reported that to the OSI also.  She gave them a picture of a closet she saw with tapes in it one of the Karate Tech people’s houses.  She wrote in her journal that, “I think it might have been Dale’s wife, Kimberly’s house.”  I had never seen the closet and Megan said I was not there at the time.  There were times Tom played tapes of the abuse either on our TV or on a laptop that someone else owned or that Tom kept elsewhere for me to watch.  He also showed me a website with me on it.  It was another way to humiliate me.  Tom talked with the Karate Tech people about how much money they were making.  Tom is fluent in Polish and German.  I’m not sure which countries the tapes were sold in by Tom and/or the others.   (Remember that during the OSI investigation, Megan and I were not speaking of the abuse to the German Youth Authority or to Herr Stefan for the supervised visitation.  It was during this time that Tom found out the OSI were investigating and offered to have his apartment searched.  Of course, there would be no evidence.  In fact, even though he did give me his house key in November 2003; he did not surrender his garage key to our house in Gries.  The garage was not connected by a door to the house and Tom did enter the garage and took some items.  As far as I know, the OSI never searched the house (our house) where the abuse actually occurred.  That in itself should have warned me that the OSI did not take the charges seriously.  Our house in Gries should have been searched thoroughly.  They might have searched Tom’s apartment that he moved in to after we separated.  Also Tom did gain access into our house in December 2004 when he removed Megan’s items and could easily have removed anything else he needed to remove to protect himself.  Whatever search, if any, the OSI performed was too little too late since the element of surprise never existed.)

As I stated earlier, Tom became more ritualistic.  He also began using the Catholic Mass as a way to perform the abuse.

(Also, as stated above, I have not spoken to Megan regarding this although she might have read or heard of part of this from other sources.  I have followed the advice of the “experts” not to speak to Megan of the abuse unless she brings it up.  Then I listened and comforted her and believed her.  I also told her it was not her fault.)

Next are some detailed recallings of the abuse.

Tom considered himself god during the abuse.  He would make Megan perform oral sex on him.  Tom would calling it worshiping him and his holy balls.  Megan would perform oral sex and be made to lick Tom clean which he called “purifying” him (like the chalice is purified during the Catholic mass).

During one occasion of abuse, Megan was placed on the dining room table and raped by her father.  I was in the room and unable to respond partially because another person from Karate Tech was there.  He had control of me by the use of pressure points, mainly the shoulder one.  Megan was 8 or 9 years old and was wearing a nightgown. The men wore the black karate uniform bottoms.

Many times, the abuse centered on a ritual based on the Catholic Mass using the Bible, consecrated and unconsecrated hosts, consecrated and unconsecrated wine, knives, sword, upside-down cross with a line through it, and more.  An altar would be set up on the table depending which room mass occurred.  It usually was in the dining room which contained a big, sturdy, dining room table.  He would sometimes put a blue or green sheet as a tablecloth on it.  He almost always placed a small white square (Irish) linen diagonally on one end of the table.  He’s put candles, one pewter candle stick holder with handle and two others (tea candles at times), on the linen.  He would use a white plate for the hosts.  The hosts were kept in the bookcase cabinet, a home-based tabernacle.  We had two gold or copper chalice-type goblets which were used or else a chalice from the church.  (Tom was in Eucharistic minister at the chapel that we attended at that time.  He had easy access to consecrated hosts, unconsecrated hosts, and chalices.  The chapel was open all day.  It was located on the base where he worked and he knew where the key was to the tabernacle in the Blessed Sacrament room.)  Tom would usually set up three knives in the shape of an upside-down cross with a line through it.  Many times one of the knives would be a sword he bought in Austria – a martial arts type sword.  At times one of the other men would bring a sword too.  There would be a bottle of wine, usually French Corbieres (red wine).  The bottle of wine and hosts were sometimes kept on the window sill where he stood at the end of the table.

Tom would wear a black shirt that made him look like a Catholic priest.  The other adults involved would wear black, usually the karate black uniform.  Megan would be made to change into a short-sleeved white blouse of mine.  It fit her as a dress.  Tom would preside over the “mass”.  Megan was next to him.  He would lead prayers similar to the Catholic mass, but with words changed.  The sign of the cross became in the name of god the father, god the daughter, and the power between them.  It formed an upside-down cross with a diagonal line through it.  Tom would have Megan or himself read the first and/or second reading from a white Bible that Megan received for her First Holy Communion.  Then Tom would usually read the gospel and he would give a homily/sermon.  The readings did not vary much.  Many times it was the reading of the wife being submissive to the husband.  Tom preached how I, the wife, was disobedient.  He’d continue with the mass – similar, yet different to the Catholic mass word-wise.  During the prayers for intentions, Tom would pray that I would obey him, that I would keep my promise (to kill myself), etc.

At Communion time, I’d be made to kneel to say “Lord, I am not worthy to receive you but only say the word and I shall be healed.”  (These words are said during the Catholic mass in Catholic churches today.)  Then Tom would make remarks regarding my unworthiness, about the uselessness of this wafer (host), of this Jesus, etc…  The abusers would munch on the consecrated and unconsecrated hosts.  All of the abusers were Catholic except for Dale who was Christian and did not understand the importance of the consecrated host.  The physical, emotional, sexual abuse/torture would sometimes be at this time; other times it was after the closing of the mass.  Many times the fake mass would be videotaped.

At some point during this “ceremony” Tom would have me lie on the big wooden, sturdy dining room table with my legs up as if in a gynecological exam.  He would have me repeat the seven step ritual regarding how I would keep my promise and kill myself.  Tom would masturbate me or have someone else do that or myself – but usually Tom until I eventually urinated, then climaxed/defecated.  This would be filmed at times.  Tom said there was a market for this type of sex.  Tom would then have me spread the feces on my body in the ritualistic way and he would use consecrated hosts to scrape off some feces and force me to ingest it.  In fact, Tom would call the feces sandwiched between two hosts “reverse oreos.”  This is more than enough detail for anyone to read.  Suffice to say… it was horrible, humiliating, torturous, degrading ….. This is an abbreviated summary of many occasions of abuse.

This level of abuse does not leave overt, physical marks on a person.

TOM TOLD ME HE WOULD KILL MEGAN AND MAKE IT LOOK LIKE I DID IT IF I DID NOT OBEY HIM.  Obeying him meant keeping my promise and killing myself in the prescribed seven step manner.  Megan told me that her father would make her repeat things after the abuse.

I am unwilling to write extensively regarding the abuse Megan suffered … her journal entries are not meant for public consumption.  I will say that she reported to Dr. Masino (as well as the OSI) that she was whipped.  Dr. Masino’s notes show he did not believe she could be whipped that badly without leaving scars.  Torturers know how to whip without leaving scars and many organizations against torture will confirm that.  According to some sources, people who are involved in sadomasochism pride themselves on being able to whip to hurt using certain types of whips, but not to draw blood, and not to leave scars.  Also, research has shown that perpetrators can pass lie detectors tests.  Maybe that is why in many courts polygraphs are not permissible.  Megan’s writings also report urine being used as a way to humiliate.

Here are a few excerpts of many entries of abuse that Megan wrote about in her journals and gave to the OSI.  This segment includes one of many incidents of human trafficking (adults perps being brought into our home for sexual purposes with Megan and myself.)  This particular entry also includes three other children brought into our home.  Megan writes, “Some people threw or pushed the girl, her mom and Diane and Mark’s boys and the bare ground and started whipping them.  When they were hurt some Diane said “Stop.”  Any more sores will make them suspicous in the morning.  Let’s brainwash them now………..we sat the people up, looked them in the eyes and said whatever I mouthed.  Jorge had the mom, Dale had the girl and Diane had the oldest boy and Mark had the younger one.  I mouthed. “You’re stupid.  You’re dumb.  You’re confused.  It’s okay.  You’re safe.  You’re just stupid right now.  That was a dream.  That was a dream.  That was a dream………………………Go back to sleep.”  They fell asleep……..My dad took my mom off the chair, laid her on the newspaper, put the chair back, kicked my mom in the stomach, and kicked me on the butt and said, “Come on.”  I stood up and followed him into the hallway.  He told me, “That in there was a dream.  Nothing happened. You didn’t get abused.  No one got abused.  It’s okay.  That was all a dream.”  He went on for a little while and then stood up said, “Clean up” and then walked upstairs and came back down in his Pajamas and walked in the dining room and around singing either swear words or a song with lots of swear words in it.  I cleaned up.”

Other short excerpts from various entries include,   “I ran away with a suitcase (the big black one) full of food and clothes…………….”  “Then he bent over my mom and said, “You better kill yourself or this will happen again but I’ll kill you.”  “My dad was whipping my mom and Kevin was whipping me.”  “I remember Dale telling me to hit my mom or my mom would die.  I had to hit her and I turned and walked towards her and hit her naked body.”  “I remember my dad telling me to go kill my mom now or I would be the one to die.”  “My mom lit the Baptism candle and my dad snatched the match as it was blown out and said, “Hey, That’s my job.” Then we did the prayers and the reading (my dad sometimes disrespectfully) and then my dad stood up and slapped me one on each cheek and then started to kiss me and He took our clothes off except for our shirts and we backed up as we had sex …….”

Megan writes, “I rolled over to avoid the whip.  Kevin said, “Why you little bitch!” Then he grabbed the non-see-through white tape and taped me to the ground.  “If only I was stronger.” I thought.  Kevin raised the whip and as he started to bring it down and I felt scared more than I ever felt before and every thing went black………….”She needs to go to bed”  my dad said…… Then he picked me up and put me in bed while I said, “I’m going to tell all my friend about that and you’ll get in trouble.”  “No, you’re not,” my dad said, “Who would believe you? Huh?”  Then he left me feeling sad.”

These quotes from Megan’s journals are only a very small part of what Megan has written and shared.  She tells of being sexually abused, emotionally abused, tortured and brainwashed.  Tom is an expert at mind control.  It gives the reader only a glimpse of what her life was like with her father.  Now she resides with him.  She told the truth of the abuse to many people and was not believed.  Tom will more than likely attempt to teach her to abuse and torture others and it might pass on to another generation …. if she survives her present and near future.

Human trafficking was a given in our situation. Tom was a human trafficker of Megan and me.  (Since I had been with Tom since the age of 20 years old, I was coerced, forced, and brainwashed to obey him or I’d be punished or my child would suffer more, or he would kill her & make it look as if I killed Megan if I did not kill myself.  The fact that he wanted me to totally submit to his will by having me kill myself shows to what extent he intended to control me.)  Total power and control is at the root of these types of abusers/torturers/manipulators and total power and control is what Tom desires.  Tom’s intent is total control and power; and for him to receive pleasure via other people’s pain.

In Karate Tech classes, children are allowed and encouraged to lead and teach classes of children older and younger than themselves.  Tom used this method in our abusive family life to give Megan a false sense of power and control (as in “god the father, god the daugher, and the power between them” and as in teaching her how to whip me, etc..).

Organized crime is defined by the United Nations Convention Against Transnational Organized Crime as a structured group or three or more persons who have existed for a period of time and who act together to commit one or more serious crimes.   The group of people who abused Megan and myself held organized, planned meetings with the purpose of inflicting violent group acts which included abuse, torture, and ritual abuse-torture including pedophilic pornography.  This Tom Mulczynski-led, child pedophilia, child pornography, abuse and torture ring has not been investigated well, to say the least.

The family system we experienced was worse than any domestic violence cycle of abuse.  The above descriptions of the abuse are only a overview of what Tom is capable of doing to his victims. He is an experienced sadistic abuser — an expert in the field!  In order to continue to receive enjoyment from seeing the victim in pain on a sexual, physical, emotional, and eventually even spiritual level, Tom had to escalate the violence, power, and control he exercised over me.  Tom was wanting to gain total control over me by having me kill myself in the prescribed manner and also controlling Megan (eventually without me in the picture).  The abuse had to become worse and worse for Tom to receive pleasure sexually and emotionally.  It had to be a challenge.  I would try to lessen Megan’s abuse by getting Tom to put the focus on me.  The terror that Megan and I both felt can not be conveyed in words and the power Tom had over us was total.  I still am afraid of Tom.  (It is ironic that I have a protective order on me not to go near him or Megan.  It should be Tom that should never go near either of us.)  I fear for Megan and for myself.  He was right that people would not believe me; and that they would believe I was crazy.

This abuse, this situation, is unbelievable.  It is easier for people to believe I am crazy and passed that illness on to Megan.  People thought the holocaust did not happen either.  It was unbelievable.  Yet it occurred.  There is nothing I can do to rectify the past.  Once I faced the abuse, once I was able to tell my therapist, once I was believed, I dealt with my fears and the PTSD ………….. and I ran with Megan twice to protect her.  Yet here we are — not believed.  I am facing jail time.  Megan was institutionalized for more than six months. Now she lives with her father, the man Megan and I say repeatedly abused her. These details have never been addressed in a court of law and probably never will be.

It is important to me that the TRUTH be told.  Maybe this will have no effect on anyone or any situation.  Maybe it will be believed 20 to 30 years from now when others have the courage to come forth to tell their truth of ritual abuse torture.

Please read the notes on captivity (with my own comments) from the Judith Hermann book that I have included under “NOTES AND PERSONAL COMMENTS ON CAPTIVITY AND PTSD”.   It is important that people understand that I am not the only one this has happened to.
Also, please read parts or all of the sites which I have included under “LINKS/REFERENCES”. The information contained in this section reminds us that these situations happen to many parents and children throughout the United States as well as in other countries. They include references to abuse of all kinds, not only ones which consist of abuse that contain rituals and torture. Some of these sites and references do contain clear definitions of ritual abuse and torture.  Not all ritual abuse contain direct references to Satan.  It is not all satanic base.  There is much to be learned from various books and various sites.  Some sections have more validity than others and each reader will choose for herself/himself what is important to them.

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